With the changes coming to Facebook next week everyone in the whole world that found their common cause for bloody uprising will be relieved to know that not only is Facebook going to return to a steady drip of meat-juice and personality gravy – but also that it is to be compulsory.
Part of a raft of proposed changes to come in time for the 2012 Olympics criminals are to be tagged with Blackberries so that whilst they inflict their tedium upon society as a whole, they will also confess to it as they do so, albeit with multiple exclamation marks, full stops spelled lol, and with update buttons such as ‘on the rob’ and ‘selfish sense of entitlement felt at’. The choice of Blackberries is set to wipe out white-collar crime completely by 2014. Government Worry-Czar Nick Shark is also set to release advice on securing a household’s valuables in the event of such a burglary, mostly by putting anything of value inside a book.
A society then where not merely can anyone with nothing to say, say it often but where now they can do it loudly. Not only will everyone have to give a shit, there shall be a button to press to do so. But it will only stay pressed for a very, very brief time.
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